Image (c) Holly Toadstool

MUSIC PARODIES

By Niche Eenhoorn

Slytherin

Oops, I Crucio'd Again (Listen to me singing this one!)

You're Messing With the D.E.'s Now

Avada Kedavra

All I ever wanted

Hogwarts

Part of that world Listen to me singing this one!)

Potion's Master (Listen to me singing this one!)

Killing me Slowly (Listen to me singing this one!)

Nutcase (Listen to me singing this one!)

NEW! Mary Sue Don't read if you are easily offended by Mary Sue bashing.

Slytherin

To the tune of "Be Prepared" from Disney's The Lion King.

(spoken intro)
I always thought other Houses would say that
we're rude and just evil per se,
but maybe if we show a glimpse of our potential,
They will envy our dorms and our brains...

(music)
We know that their powers of perception,
Are as wet as a python's backside.
But thick as they are, we will show them,
We're wizards with charm and with pride.

It's clear from their jealous expressions,
They'd love to belong to this House,
Cause we're really talented pure-bloods,
And they know they just can't be like us!

So prepare to perform special tasks now,
Try to earn lots of house points that way,
A shining new House Cup
Will be in our grasp, yup,

(random slyth) We'll beat them at Quidditch!
We'll bribe a few teachers!

They think this sounds sordid,
But we'll be rewarded
when at last we are given that Cup,
And then we'll scream and chant in their face,
SLYTHERIN!

(Random slytherins chatting)
- Yeah yeah, let's plot! let's plot something!
- Plot what?
- A plan to earn house points!
- But, we will win anyway, won't we?
- Not if we allow them take over...
- We will beat them!! We'll get more house points! Losers, losers la la la la la la...
- That's the spirit! So, everyone! Hand in your homeworks on time!
- Aww... homework...
- And WE will win! You hear that?? We will show them all what we can do!
(all together) Yeah!! Alright!! Go slytherin, GO SLYTHERIN!

(music)
It's great that we are all connected,
To a House of such splendor inside,
Of course, we all know, we deserve it,
For we are the best ones on board.

Our future is littered with prizes,
And we will go far, you will see,
The point we shall gladly emphasize is,
without us, this school's incomplete!

So prepare to see serpents succeeding,
Be prepared for a wonderful time!
Meticulous planning, (We are good!)
Tenacity spanning, (Oh so good!)
Us slyths being cunning, (we repeat!)
is simply while we'll (we will win!)

be first, undisputed,
admired and saluted,
and loved for the wonders we are,
hear our hiss, our ambitions are bared, SLYTHERIN!
Hear our hiss, our ambitions are bared, SLYTHERIN!

(Insert Niche's maniac laughter here)

Oops, I Crucio'd Again

To the tune of "Oops, I did it Again", by Britney Spears.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah,
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah,
Oh yes, I have to accept,
I made them believe I was one of them,
Dumb Muggles,
They thought I was their friend,
How couldn't they see they had reached their end?
face it, I'm a Death Eater,
And I'll do what's typically me,
Oh muggle, muggle

CHORUS:
Oops!...I crucio'd again,
I tortured him bad, and he cried in pain
Oh muggle, muggle,
Oops!...I crucio'd too much,
Now my muggle is dead,
I'll look for someone else.

You see the thing goes like this,
I just laugh away
as they start wishing they ceased to exist
They scream, hit by my spell
as their limbs shake and twist in so many ways,
It appeals to my senses
I can't help it now so sue me,
Oh muggle muggle

CHORUS:
Oops!...I crucio'd again,
I messed up his mind, and made him insane
Oh muggle, muggle,
Oops!...I crucio'd too much,
Now my muggle is dead,
I'll look for someone else.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Niche: "Hey, before you go, there's something I want you to see." *shows him the wand*
Muggle: "Oh, it's... interesting, but wait a minute, isn't this...?"
Niche: "Yeah, it's a wand" *smirk*
Muggle: "Oh, a wand... I was going to say a stick..."
Niche: "A 'stick'?! Well let me show you what this 'stick' can do!"
Muggle: "Be my guest!"
Oops!...I crucio'd a muggle again!
I guess I just lost my temper,
Oops!...I think I'll never have enough,
I love this painful Curse!
Repeat CHORUS.

You're Messing with the D.E.'s Now

To the tune of "You're playing with the big boys now" from the movie Prince of Egypt [The Death Eaters are being summoned after a foolish naive wizard shows up and tries to capture them]

Voldemort will provide!

Nott...Scott...Worth...Thorne

Eenhoorn...Malfoy...Epans...Lestrange...

Macnair...Avery...Crabbe...Wayton

Acadius...Van Kampen...

Crouch...Pettigrew...Goyle...Myers

Barlow...Denker...Aude

Nott...Scott...Thorne...Goyle...
Myers...Macnair...Avery...Crouch...
Worth...Epans...Wayton...Barlow...
Denker...Eenhoorn...Malfoy....Aude....

[Death eaters have gathered... and start taunting the victim]
So you think you've got friends in high places,
With the power to put me in Azkaban...
Well please notice these smirks on our faces
You'll know what power is when we are through... with you...

You're messing with the D.E.'s now,
Messing with the D.E.'s now (oh we're evil...)
Every curse and gesture
tells you who's the best
you're messing with the D.E.'s now.

(voldemort will provide)
You're messing with the D.E.'s now (Nott...Scott...Crabbe...Goyle)
You're messing with the D.E.'s now (Eenhoorn...Malfoy...Epans...Lestrange)
Stop your foolish tricks now,
watch a true Dark wizard
give an exhibition how
Don't draw your silly wand boy,
you're messing with the D.E.'s now

Voldemort will provide!
Nott...Scott...Worth...Thorne
Eenhoorn...Malfoy...Epans...Lestrange...
Acadius...Van Kampen...
Macnair...Avery...Crabbe...Wayton

You're messing with the D. E.'s now,
You're messing with the D. E.'s now
Listen to our chorus
now you'll kneel before us
praising our splendorous power,
You dare to show up
and put up a fight
Do you think we show no spite?!
It's the dust you're gonna bite!
But first, you will have to bow (kowtow!)
Or it's your own grave you'll dig, cause,
you're messing with the D.E's,
messing with the D.E's,
messing with the D.E's,
messing with the D.E's,
messing with the D.E's,
messing with the D.E's now!

Avada Kedavra

To the tune of Hakuna Matata, from Disney's "The Lion King".

Avada Kedavra,
what a wonderful spell!
Avada Kedavra,
It's our favorite craze...

It means no muggles
for the rest of our dayssss-s-s,
It's our muggle-free philosophy,
Avada Kedavra!

(Death Eater A) Why, when Volds was a young bad boy,
(a VERY out of tune Death Eater B) when Volds was a young bad booooooy...
(Death Eater A) Put a sock in it!
(Death Eater B) alright...
He thought that the muggles lacked a certain appeal
and he learned how to kill them with a flick of his wrist,

Our insensitive souls
do not even wince
as the spell hits the muggles and they pass away....

We're not ashamed! (oh why be ashamed?!)
This is just a cool game! (oh what's in a game!)
And we feel all excited (how do we feel?)
Every time that we-- (silence...)
(death eater A:) Er, can't come up with something that rhymes here.
(death eater B:) Who cares! *shoots green light out of his wand*

Avada Kedavra,
what a wonderful spell!
Avada kedavra,
it's our favorite craze,

It means no muggles
for the rest of our days
it's our muggle free Philosophy
Avada kedavra!

Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada!

(Handsome well-tuned Death Eater C) It means no muggles
for the rest of our daysssss-s--s
it's our muggle-free philosophy,
Avada Kedavra,
Avada Kedavra,
Avada Kedavra,
Avaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaada Kedavra

(repeats fading while the Death Eaters make silly imitations of instruments and of muggles falling to the ground.)

All I Ever Wanted

To the tune of "All I ever wanted", from the Prince of Egypt

[This is sung by Snape, according to the idea that he was a death eater and then realised he was wrong all the time. He denies it at first, of course, but he ends up accepting it. The final verse is someone -perhaps Dumbledore- welcoming him back.]

Practicing the Dark Arts,
Friends and fun and power never known,
All I ever wanted!

The sweet taste of victory,
Knowing I'm important in this world,
All I ever wanted!

This is my home,
With my Lord, my Guide, my Master, oh so mighty, oh so strong,
I feel at home,
Here among the cleverest kind of wizards, I belong,
and if anybody doubts it, I'll gladly prove them wrong

I am a powerful Death Eater,
A pure-blood potions expert, proud and bold,
doing all I'm told....
Is this really all I ever wanted?
All I ever wanted?
All I ever wanted...

Now you are back, at home,
Life's been playing with you, but its grip has loosened now
You're not alone,
Yes, you know the truth now, time to stand up and move on,
grasp this option tight with your hands,
Don't reject this second chance...

Hogwarts

To the music of the song "Out there", from the Disney's "The Hunchback of Notredame".

(The lyrics fit into the tune sung by Quasimodo alone, after the part where he sings alongwith Frollo)

You received a letter asking you to join this place,
For you're wizards ready to be taught here,
Come inside this castle, full of magic, full of fun,
and discover the surprises lurking,
Meet the Sorting Hat, for it will guide you.
sorting you in one of the four Houses,
You will find new friends and learn a thousand things per day,
don't be scared now, you're all welcome,

To Hogwarts,
where we all can learn.
Magic like no other,
how to cast a spell,
prepare a potion,

Hogwarts,
where we learn to fly away
on our broom, to the moon,
Yes, in Hogwarts you will learn!

Come learn the rules of Quidditch,
gaining house points with your team,
pay attention always to the lessons,

Those who work the hardest
get the House Cup and they win,
feasting then in joyful celebration,

But if we all act smart,
then we can share the triumph,
Hogwarts,
Our beloved school,
We're so proud to be here,
Since it's where we belong,
Where we feel happy,

Hogwarts,
where we're gathered now
So come sing this song,
all along,

Gryffindor! Slytherin! Hufflepuff! Ravenclaw!

Yes, in Hogwarts you will learn!

Part of that world

To the tune of "Part of that World", from Disney's The Little Mermaid

Look at that place,
isn't it neat,
wouldn't you think that
their lives are complete,
wouldn't you think wizards are
the guys who've got everything,

Look at their school,
wonders untold,
how many secrets can
one castle hold,
just look around and you'll see
yup, they got everything...

They got house elves that clean up their places,
and the best is they do it for free!
you want some magic tricks?
They got thousands!
Yes indeed,
I've seen it,
and want more...

I wanna be where the wizards are,
I wanna see, wanna see their magic,
chanting the words of a.... what do you call it... oh, spell,
waving their wands they can get so far,
they can make potions and turn into rats,
flying around on a... what's that word again... broom...

To where they walk,
swishing their robes,
and to the pubs where they all hang out,
careless and free,
wish I could be,
part of that world.

What would I give if
I could live somewhere in Hogsmeade,
what would I pay
to spend a day at Zonko's shop,
it's really sad,
I can't go there,
cause I am just a simple muggle,
not a single bit of magic
inside my veins...

But I want to learn
what wizard kids learn,
Boggarts and werewolves and animagi,
What's a Crucio and why does it, what's the word... hurt?

Oh please be kind,
give me a chance,
and I will promise to study real hard

Please, make my day
and let me stay
inside your world...

Potions Master

To the tune of Jewel's "Foolish Games"

You glare at the whole class,
and mock all my friends,
You were always scary like that,
But I stared from my small desk,
always felt I was lucky, being taught by you,

You were always the mysterious one,
with black eyes and greasy hair,
you were wonderfully attractive,
and I drooled to death,

And you stood in the hallway,
with nothing to say,
other than giving me detention,

Well in case you failed to notice,
Detention's what I want,
it is the best,
it's what I live for,
This is me smiling with glee,

And this Potion's Master,
Really makes my day,
And his silky voice,
is melting my heart,
You're melting my heart...

You are always brilliant in your classes,
scolding those Gryffindors,
and failing that dumb Potter,

I pay attention,
and work so hard,
perhaps sometime this year,
you will have even noticed me,

So, professor, I have done something that was
Oh so wrong,
I'm willing to pay the price,
I need detention right now,

Cause this Potion's Master,
Really, really, really makes my day,
And his silky voice,
is melting my heart,
You're melting my heart...

You glare at the whole class,
and mock all my friends,
you were always scary like that...

Killing me Slowly

Nutcase

To the tune of "Basketcase", by Greenday

I guess it is time
for you to hear me brag
About the unforgivables that I cast

I just can't stand those
pathetic Muggle fools
idiotic to the bones
I can't handle it

Oh yes I love to give them the creeps,
I scare the hell out of those peeps,
Euphoria building up,
I lose all self-control,

I point my wand at them,
and cast a spell!

One day I fell ill,
The doctor came to me,
He said that my darks spells
are wearing me down,

I went to a pub,
and drowned myself in rum,
not casting evil curses
had brought me down,

I bet it was just a simple cold,
Or that bread I ate covered in mold,
Now I've got lots to do,
I think I'll start with you,

Now which of the unforgivables
shall I use?

Yes, I feel alright,
So you better hold tight!!

Mary Sue

To the tune of "Stronger", by Britney Spears

OMG!!11!!
This story is a piece of crap,
I've read enough,
I need a spork now cause it hurts so bad,
You think you are the best writer of the world
But this is

Only a Mary Sue,
there is absolutely nothing new,
so now the fandom will make fun of you
Mary Sue

Keep denying it, it's still the same.
If we dare to criticise
you will throw a fit and whine
Yes, we know that you can't take it, thus we mock,
Cause this is

Only a Mary Sue
There is absolutely nothing new,
so now the fandom will make fun of you
Mary Sue

Come on now!
So cliche just check it out:
Harry's lost twin sister; wife of Voldemort,
She's 13 but she looks 20,
Can do wandless magic and seduce aplenty
She plays cards and gets the aces,
she's got curves in the right places,

Yeah right!

We don't care what clothes she wears!
or if she has the biggest breasts!
Please burn your Mary Sue,
Else we'll do it for you,
The flames will roast you till you write no more,
Mary Sueeeeee!
(repeat chorus)

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