So you think you can be a Death Eater...
You think you can actually drop the life you lead right now for a totally different lifestyle?
Changing your routine for a life of drinking expensive wine, torturing and killing muggles,
feasting on the best cuisine, and incurring in all sorts of happy and delightful excesses?
Then read on!
Many wizards think they can be Death Eaters but not all of them are actually suitable for the task.
Some drop dead from all the stress (and perhaps from an angry Avada from our Lord Voldemort.)
Others start having a conscience after a while and decide to walk away (only to be killed by an
angry Avada from our Lord Voldemort) or others just don't have a clue as to why they joined in
(these are the imperio'd ones... which in the end will be disposed of by an angry Avada from
our Lord Voldemort.)
However, you can now take a simple test to see if you have what it takes to join the most
Elite group of all times. Read it carefully and think things over before saying "Yes, I want
to be a Death Eater!" Remember, once in, there is no way out. (Except for an angry Avada from
our Lord Voldemort. Then you'll be out for sure.)
So! Go get quill and parchment and start answering!
The Ultimate Test
1.- You want to be a Death Eater because...
a) Your best friend is one too
b) It's the latest trend!
c) You puke and get rashes when muggles are around
d) Only then will you fulfill your destiny in this world.
2.- You walk into a forest and get lost. You...
a) Call 911 on your mobile.
b) Scream for help and avoid sitting on the ground to
prevent stains on your clothes.
c) Me? get lost? In your dreams.
d) Take my wand and use a spell to find the way back.
3.- Your favorite color is...
a) Yellow, Lilac or babyblue.
b) Anything that matches my eyes and hair.
c) Green, black, blood red or pink. (yes, 'pink'!)
d) Depends if it's for clothes or decoration, but
usually black suits me the most.
4.- If you had to sing one of these songs at a Karaoke bar,
you would choose...
a) My heart will go on
c) I'm too sexy
b) Du Hast
c) Hit me baby one more time.
5.- There is a muggle nearby. You...
a) Muggle? Huh? Where?
b) Seduce it and break its heart later. Now THAT hurts
more than Crucio!
c) Smell it from _miles_ away and get ready to strike
with your wand. The sod won't even know what got him!
d) Wait to attack until it's safe, or until you receive
6.- You see a cute, little, lost puppy on the street. You...
a) Call the animal shelter or take it there yourself so
that the cute puppy-wuppy can find its owners back.
b) Ooooo! You keep it! (And then forget all about it
because you must file your nails and dye your hair)
c) Keep it, of course. You teach it a trick or two,
and then sell it to a Muggle (who will be surprised
by his dog's unusual and violent reaction to 'gimme paw'.)
d) You walk away leaving it where it is (because you
know that if you keep it you will be the one who has to
feed it and walk it.)
7.- You are captured and thrown into Azkaban. You...
a) Try to befriend the dementors
b) Spill names! If you are going down, so are the rest!
You also ask for a clean and ironed prisoner uniform
every two days.
c) Me? Akzaban? They need at least 1000 aurors to
get ME, buddy!
d) I wait for Voldemort to take me out and then
continue serving him afterwards.
8) How many Black Magic items do you possess?
a) Um, I have an 8-Ball and an Etch-a-sketch, does that count?
b) Around 10, more or less, the basics. (this can include
witchboard, black candles, voodoo dolls and remote controls)
c) You don't even want to know. Don't get me started.
d) Mostly books to learn the Dark Arts and forbidden
black magic spells.
9) Your ideal job would be...
a) At a music shop where you can get discount on CD's
b) Hairdresser for important people
c) At the Ministry, where I can find out all the juicy
gossip and pass it on to the Dark Lord.
10) What do you think of this test?
a) if I fail, can I take it again?
b) I missed my appointment with the manicure lady because
I had to answer this! You better take me in or else...
c) Shut up and let's get busy! When do we Avada?
d) It was stupid and pointless but if I am required
to take it before joining the Death Eaters, then I will.
Now, count how many A's, B's C's and D's you got to see which letter turned out to be most common.
You might have wizard blood running in your veins
but your degree of muggleness frankly makes me itch.
You are probably one of those sorry sods who instead
of using their wand to solve a problem they try to 'google'
for a solution via the Muggle 'Internet'.
You are the type of wizard who will ignore our Lord's call
because you are busy sending an 'sms' with your 'mobile'
or watching a movie on the 'TV' while drinking a 'Bacardi Breezer'
(If you don't understand what I am talking about, good!
You are less mugglified then.)
If you still think that you can be a suitable Death Eater
you will have to prove it by starting to act
like a wizardand less like a muggle. You will be under a test period
and depending on your
performance Voldemort will decide if he will give you the Dark Mark (or an angry Avada.)
You seem to be pretty much full of yourself.
Well, step down your cloud, sweetums. Death Eaters
wear only black robes and white masks when we're on
duty, so no one will have a chance to see your
wonderful hair, nor your fluttering eyelashes.
You are the type of person that would rather betray
Voldemort than break a nail. However, you seem to
have some potential; if someone stands in your way,
you push them aside by any means (Muggle or not.)
After all, no one can be better than you, hmm?
You are sadistic and cruel without even noticing you are.
You might be able to join us, but be warned,
you will be under strict observation. (and not only because
of your pretty face/body/eyes/
hands/feet/elbows/whatever and delightful sense of fashion, dearie.)
Aha. I bet you chose what seemed like the most
obvious answers that would get you in the group,
didn't you? Busted.
I guess you were just trying to be smart and cunning
to make your way in.
If you actually chose these answers because they fit
your personality, then it could be that you do have
the ball-- eh... all it takes to be a ruthless, mean,
evil, scary and nasty Death Eater.
This is no problem, but you will need to control your
violence a bit. Unnecessary brutality is a big no-no.
Keep in mind that Death Eaters are swift and they act
with style, smoothly and confidently. So to speak,
you will have to put in words whatever you want to say
with your fist. Do you think you can manage? The effect that words have on muggles is very
satisfying. After you have taunted them like that, then you can proceed to cast curses on
them (that's when your type of fun starts.) We shall put you through the test, and we mean
a REAL test, to see if you talk the talk but also walk the walk.
At a first glance you seem to be rather weak and
vulnerable. You don't stand up much for yourself and
would rather sit on a quiet corner casting your curses
from a distance instead of joining in the rampage.
People tend to take advantage of you most of the time
and you are always the one who ends up doing the hardest
jobs, or doing the groceries.
It is important to stress out the fact that people who fit
in the 'quiet and meek' type can be quite deadly, because
if the Lord tells them "jump", they don't question him with
"how high?", but they jump immediately and give it their
best shot. (mind you, if it is not good enough, you will get
an angry Avada, but that's just a minor detail.)
Above all, you possess something special that our Lord likes: respect towards Him (even if
it is out of plain fear.) We would gladly take you in, however you will have to be participative
as well. You might lurk in the shadows sometimes, but you will be expected to come forward
If you were a mixture between all these four answers.. then damn you! Why can't you fit in my four little stereotypes??! Anyway. You are probably the person we need. You possess qualities that if put to good use, they can counteract your defects. You might have knowledge of Muggle technology but that doesn't make you forget that our magical abilities are what make us better than Muggles, which means we have to put our wand to use. Don't leave it there, all forgotten and getting dusty! Why call for a pizza when you can summon it yourself??
You might also possess physicall beauty, but keep in mind that looks aren't everything. Some of the deadliest Death Eaters aren't/weren't that hot. *cough* I mean, one of them even had a HUGE nose and greasy hair, yet all the ladies fell for him. It's your style that will get you somewhere! (A silky voice might help too.. and long hair.. and-- ok, you get the idea. It's all in the combination!)
While you may have a feisty attitude towards muggles and would never say no to a mass murder session, you also remember who is the boss and who gives the orders. If Voldemort says we have to refrain from attacking, you say yes and not "Awwww @#$%$#!!!" Good, good. He likes that.
Go here if you have decided to take the biggest step of your life and I will add your name
to 'The Black Pages', written in blood of course -cliche as it may seem- and perhaps I can also
add a floo network link to your little pit in Hell so that we can pop by for a drink and peanuts.
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